Key Highlights :
Are you missing the hidden red flags in your relationship? If so, you’re not alone. Many people don’t realize that what may seem like healthy statements can actually be a sign of serious disrespect. Fortunately, Jeff Guenther, a therapist from Portland, Oregon, has become a viral sensation on TikTok for regularly sharing his relationship advice. Most recently, he posted a video to his 2.6 million followers detailing the three statements that everyone thinks are healthy, but are actually “f***ed up.”
The love specialist explained that while these statements may come from a place of well-meaning, they can often show signs of disrespect in relationships. In his video, Jeff revealed the three statements that you should never say to a loved one, including “Your feelings are not my responsibility,” “I’m just being honest,” and “If you loved me you would understand/accept this of me.”
The first statement the therapist took a closer look at was: “Your feelings are not my responsibility.” He explained that while this is partially true, it shows that someone is not actually willing to consider you. “Why are you unwilling to consider the impact you’re having on my experience?” he questioned. The therapist continued by noting that although many things will affect your feelings, your significant other will usually play a part. “Especially if you’re my partner who has a significant effect on me, saying this makes you feel like you have a lack of empathy, don’t know how to take accountability, aren’t interested in emotional growth, are super dismissive, want to create distance and kind of suck at being in a relationship,” he said.
The next statement the therapist disapproves of is: “I’m just being honest.” He explains: “Or, are you just being super critical and want to make me feel bad, and you suck at giving feedback in a caring and compassionate way.” Jeff said that while this can seem like someone is being “straightforward and direct,” it is also a sign that person doesn’t consider your feelings and has a “lack of empathy.”
The last statement the therapist takes issue with is: “If you loved me you would understand/accept this about me.” Jeff explained that while “acceptance and love do go together,” it can be “manipulative” to claim that if someone loves you they have to accept everything. “It gives off the vibe of wanting to avoid responsibility for harmful behavior or pressure me into something that I feel super uncomfortable with. Saying this makes me feel like you’re not into personal growth. You’re trying to guilt trip me and that your love is conditional on me accepting something about you that I’m not okay with,” he concluded.
Jeff Guenther’s advice is a reminder to be mindful of the statements we make in our relationships and to be aware of the hidden red flags that may be present. While these three statements may sound healthy, they can actually be a sign of serious disrespect. It’s important to be aware of how our words can affect our relationships and to show respect and understanding towards our loved ones.